Therapy for High Conflict Couples in Tacoma and across Washington, Utah & Florida
Confronting conflict & renewing connection.
You can’t seem to have a single conversation without things going south.
The tension is often so thick you could cut it with a knife. Fights can look like slamming doors, leaving the house abruptly, screaming, or throwing things at one another. It might feel like your partner never sees your side of the situation, and it’s increasingly difficult to trust each other with your true feelings.
Signs your relationship is high conflict:
Intense, constant bickering (sometimes even physically)
Fights heat up quickly & are difficult to resolve
Both partners do & say hurtful things during arguments
Avoiding topics or conversations because of the potential reaction
Avoiding vulnerable topics so they won’t be used as ammunition in arguments
All relationships take a toll on us in some way. When romance is thrown into the mix, it makes things even more complicated. Therapy can provide you with the tools and support you need to restore your relationship, navigate through the difficulty, and build a healthier, more positive connection.
Fighting can actually bring you closer together. You just have to learn how.
How it works
Therapy for high conflict couples addresses and works to resolve intense and recurring arguments, tension, and resentment.
When you enter into therapy, you're not just bringing your relationship struggles— you're bringing yourself, with all of your own complexities and emotions. I recognize that every partnership is unique, so I tailor my approach to suit your specific needs. I believe in your capacity to change and understand yourself more deeply. Indeed, every couple has their challenges, but there is a way to have conflict without destroying your relationship.
I’ll wear many hats during our sessions: mediator, coach, listener. My goal is to help you untangle the knots of shame and misunderstanding that come with high conflict situations. We'll dig deeply into the emotions driving your actions, so you learn more about your triggers and responses.
It's not just about the conflicts—it's also about connection.
I’ll guide you and your partner in practicing how to be attentive to each other’s feelings and body signals. Together we’ll create an "owner’s manual," identifying different things that make you and your partner feel good or soothe each other. This will empower you to continue the deep work of successful relationship building so you can have conversations without the resulting explosion.
As we uncover deeper issues, sometimes difficult trauma or painful past experiences can come to the surface. I’ll be there to meet you both with compassion. I’ll encourage partners to listen and validate one another as they get in touch with their feelings and process these memories or experiences. Practicing empathy for one another will guide you closer to each other because when our most vulnerable voices are heard and validated, we feel loved. This leads to deeper trust and a sense of safety within our relationships, knowing that our partners will hold space for us no matter what.
You can still have empathy and disagree.
I believe in seeing things as they truly are, and with me as a therapist, you’re going to quickly understand it’s much more powerful and transformative to approach your challenges head-on. True change happens when we take accountability. As you learn to acknowledge shortcomings, seek understanding, and embrace vulnerability, you’ll find the path to a happier, deeper relationship.
A note on abuse
High conflict relationships are not the same as abusive relationships, but without proper understanding or background, they can look very similar. It’s important to know the difference.
High conflict relationships typically involve ongoing, intense disagreements, arguments, and hostility between individuals, usually leading to a cycle of unresolved conflicts and emotional distress. There are often harmful behaviors from each person, making the relationship feel tumultuous and stressful.
Abuse involves one person exerting power and control over another through various forms of mistreatment, coercion, and manipulation. Unlike high conflict relationships, where conflicts may arise from mutual disagreements, abuse is characterized by one person's deliberate actions to assert dominance, intimidate, or harm the other person.
If you regularly feel afraid of your partner, couples therapy is not safe and you’re likely in an abusive relationship. If you're unsure, but you feel safe talking to your partner, couples therapy could potentially help. Your safety and well-being are the top priority.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) is a valuable resource for individuals who suspect their relationship might be abusive and need assistance.
Frequently Asked Questions
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If you're experiencing high levels of tension, resentment, disconnection, or arguments in your relationship and are seeking support in resolving these things, high conflict couples therapy may be beneficial for you. It's important to consider your willingness to engage in therapy and your commitment to making positive changes in your relationship. If you have more specific questions, please schedule a free consultation here.
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Sessions are 1 hour and 30 minutes to provide more attention and time for your relationship. I also offer 2-hour sessions on a weekly or biweekly basis for couples that need or want extra support, as well as intensives for deeper, more accelerated progress. Click here to learn more about intensives.
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While I work primarily with married couples, I’m very open to other relationships or couples experiencing high conflict. Please feel free to schedule a consultation here and we’ll chat a bit more about your situation.
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I am an out of network provider for couples therapy with the relationship is diagnosed. Please see my FAQ’s page for a more detailed explanation on how your couples therapy may be covered with out of network benefits.
